The Gay Pride Magnet

As a proud veteran, I have seen some significantly homophobic things in my adult life. Which was really shocking to me; I grew up in a relatively accepting family and I never saw any sort of homophobia, prejudice, racism (beyond the normal jokes that all older people think is funny), or anything else along those lines. So, when I joined the military, I didn't really understand the total ramifications of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Needless to say, it wasn't something that I even thought about when I got to Basic. I understood that my leadership couldn't know or they would be legally obligated to start a discharge for homosexual behavior. I was one of eight lesbians/bisexuals in my bay (basically a giant dorm with bunk beds and no privacy) and we all kept to ourselves in a little group that we knew was safe. But I fucked up; my best friend from Basic, someone I am still close to, needed my journal for something. I honestly can’t even remember what at this point. But, because we were so close, I didn't even think twice about letting her use it. I assumed she would lock it up in her locker when she was done with it, but I didn't actually tell her to do that. So when she was done, she left my bright purple notebook on my bunk and left the bay. Leaving my journal, full of lesbian details, snippets of every conversation, thought, and gay intrigue that crossed my mind throughout the day, in the open. Out in the open where one of the Drill Sergeants found it. So our bay was tossed (meaning that it was destroyed, mattresses everywhere, blankets a mess, everything out of order so that we could clean it up later) and the notebook disappeared. Thanks to some sarcastic, cryptic comments from my female Drill Sergeant, I knew that she had taken the notebook and the mess in the bay was punishment for the infraction. Nobody got into trouble for anything written, but I felt like shit for a long time. Essentially, I had put all of the gay girls in my bay at risk, and put myself at even greater risk. I could have ruined my career with a few sentences left on a bunk, and it really hit home for me what the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” really meant for women like me.

Shortly after all of that, another girl (who none of us knew was gay) came out to our Drill Sergeants and used that to get out of the military. She didn't finish training, she didn't even have to participate after initiating her own chapter process. I had been told that you could get kicked out, but everyone was willing to just turn a blind eye to the homosexuals in training, so it was strange to see them actually chaptering her out. But realistically she didn't give them much option, she told every single leader that she could that she was gay and that she absolutely did not want to stay in the military. So, in a short eight weeks, I had quite a few brushes with the ‘man’ in terms of homosexual conduct and it was actually a major eye opener. Luckily, the DADT was repealed and the gays can serve in peace, with all the rainbow pride they can muster.

After finishing Basic Training and my job training (Advanced Individual Training), I finally got sent to Fort Riley, and that was the first time in my entire life that I was targeted for my sexual orientation. I bought my first car, a gorgeous little Pontiac Vibe in deep blue that glittered in the sunlight and never did me wrong. The first thing I did to personalize it was to put a little peace sign magnet with rainbow stripes on the back hatch, and I left it at that. I didn't put a “gay and proud” sticker across my window, nothing that screamed “I like pussy” or any other lesbian obscenity. I bought the car on a Saturday morning, put the magnet on it on a Saturday afternoon, and Monday morning when I left my barracks room to go to work, I was called to my First Sergeant’s office. She proceeded to tell me that one of the NCOs (basically a lower level of leader) had complained about my gay pride magnet, that it offended him and that I was required, because of the DADT to take the magnet off of my car. Of course, my personal vehicle can have whatever I want on it (I served as a paralegal, so I was well aware of the rules and regulations) and I politely refused. I was threatened with being chaptered from the military for homosexual behavior, but I didn't back down. My First Sergeant agreed to do more research and to leave the issue alone for the time being, and I went about my day as if nothing happened. But the next day when I went to my car, the magnet was gone. Someone had taken it off of my car and gotten rid of it. I was informed later that day that the NCO who had complained had actually taken it off of my car and thrown it away, making its removal a moot point.

But I wasn't okay with that. It was just a damn magnet, but it was also so much more than that. That magnet quickly became a symbol of the first time that I was ever targeted for my sexuality, forced to cover it up and hide it from the world over something as stupid as a suggestive magnet that I could have just liked because of a rainbow. I ended up being right in the end, my unit was told that they can’t control what I have on my personal vehicle and when I replaced the magnet I never got more than a few dirty looks for the incident. I had to make a huge deal out of it, I made a target of myself for defending my right to have a damn magnet on my car. A lot of the lesbians I knew from units around Fort Riley didn't agree with me, they were too scared of being targets themselves and I understand that.

Although the victory over the magnet was not a huge one, it was not one that would tip the scales in one direction or another, it was a victory that showed me that ignorance can be fought with a bit of persistence and education. It was a victory that showed me that it doesn't take much other than a level head to make a real difference. The magnet was a symbol of the smallest change in my life that really meant the world to me. At the time, it was one that I was so proud of and so honored to have claimed for myself. All it was, in reality, was a lesson to that leadership about the lines that were present in the personal and professional lives of their soldiers. But I would like to think that those leaders took that lesson and applied it appropriately in the future. 

About Molly and Tommy

   I am sure that the title of this blog does not make sense to the normal person who has found this little gem via google or Facebook or whatever internet resource that fuels the anonymity of the web. But 'Molly' and 'Tommy' were terms that were used frequently in the 1700's to describe homosexuals. 

   'Molly' was used to describe homosexual men, especially homosexual male prostitutes. The term was used as a nod to the (perceived) femininity of homosexual men. Understandably, 'Tommy' was used to represent lesbians. You guessed it; 'Tommy' was used to describe lesbians because if a woman was into women then she must have been far more masculine than the heterosexual housewives. 

   Obviously, these terms are long gone, dead in the world of euphemisms and slang. But they do serve some purpose, especially for what I want to write about. The way that we describe homosexuals has not changed over the years, not in the slightest. It has literally been centuries and the same misconceptions about homosexuality exist today, they are identical to the very core of their definition, of their belief, and the citizens of the world have done nothing about it. 

   Personally, as some variance of homosexuality myself (we will get into my classification, identification, and categorization of myself later), I do see the LGBT community working to change some things, but it seems, to me, that the community as a whole focuses on the trivial that don't do as much good in the long run. Don't get me wrong - gay marriage is an issue that affects a lot of people and that should absolutely be available to homosexuals. But there is much more important. 

   We do not call African-Americans the "n-word" anymore, we don't force them to enter buildings through separate doors, we don't have colored water fountains and white water fountains anymore, we don't make them sit at the back of the bus. We (I see we, as a white American speaking from the white side of the issue) don't segregate, differentiate, mistreat African-Americans for the color of their skin anymore. Now, let's be clear for a moment, I am not saying that homosexuals have to ride at the back of the bus and can't use the hetero water fountain. But the fact that we still, after centuries of progress and decades of acceptance, use euphemisms and terms that can be easily compared to the "n-word" is a major problem. 

   In my opinion, this issue is more important than gay marriage. It is more important than demanding that a catholic business run by a judgmental fuck make a gay couple a cake for their wedding. No matter what equality we demand, as the gay community, we cannot truly change anything about the way that the world seems to be working either against us or parallel yet separate to us unless we make it unacceptable to be called anything other than the actual term that describes us accurately. A lesbian should not be okay with a heterosexual calling her a dyke, a stem, a stud, a queer, whatever it could be. A lesbian should only be okay with being called a lesbian. Anything less is derogatory in that it disrespects the basic definition of her sexual orientation. I understand that equality goes much deeper than name calling, but our names are literally who we are. If we can't stop people from calling us by names that are not our own, from calling us by nicknames and terms that belittle us and our sexuality, then how can we ever expect anything more from the world? Personally, I don't want to be marrying a dyke, a femme, whatever. I want to marry a woman (or man, whatever), regardless of her sexuality. Just a woman.

   When you meet someone, do you automatically ask if they are straight? When you see a woman holding hands with a man, do you whisper to your friends 'is she a hetero?' No. But if you see a woman holding hands with a woman you have to ask if she is a lesbian. So why do we allow heterosexuality to be the social norm?